Solid foray into what makes us good communicators – beginning with examining how some people just seem to not only draw people to them, but to elicit more from the conversations they are in. And while some people are naturals at this, books like this show what we can all learn to communicate more effectively perhaps more importantly, deeply, with others.
It’s hard to go past Never Split the Difference as the best book on communication I have read recently, but this had some pertinent things to offer about interpersonal communication in more friendly settings, whilst also how to negotiate unfriendly ones.
Duhigg begins by explaining there are three elements to a good conversation.
The first is all parties knowing that they are really discussing – and as you can imagine many marital disputes are the examples here, when people argue about one thing but really it is symbolic of another. These never end well unless the injured party is able to identify what is really going on, or unless the other party asks deep questions to get to the real point.
The second part is getting to ho you feel about the topic at hand, and this was the most relevant section of the book. Contrary to what you might think, many people do want to talk about their feelings and will open up readily under the right circumstances – which is largely to do with how well we show we are listening. Repeating back for understanding and establishing reciprocal vulnerability are important here, as I am sure we have all seen in our own lives. This is why communication online is more explosive – there is less empathy when responding to words on a screen than with people.
The third conversation is about values and identity. Things we hold true about ourselves shape our conversations. This can create rapport if you find shared values and identities, or can build barriers. But all of us have many identities, parent, business owner, sports fan and so on and acknowledging at times the complexities of this can be interesting.
Rapport is at the key of all things here. Not a bad read although nothing particularly earth-shattering.
Welloflostplots 